Of all of the stories told to me about my childhood, my favourite is of my very first day alive. I had just been born and was still at the hospital (probably just chilling out, you know, listening to Nirvana or reading some previews of Die Hard 2 in the paper) and my Aunt arrives to welcome tiny little me into the world. With her, she brings a present – A Cadbury’s Fudge bar. Her reasoning was that it was soft and chewy, and babies like that sort of stuff, right?
I can’t remember when I first heard that, but since, if I see a Fudge and have the change to buy one, I do it. Just out of instinct.
It is now with regret that I dial the tone from cute nostalgia, to devastating disappointment.
Kraft, the food company, bought Cadbury’s. Obviously not a shock to anyone who keeps up, apologies to those who don’t for breaking the news to you, but that isn’t the worst of it yet.
The bastards, when they bought Britain’s most beloved institution, they promised they would not close the factory near Bristol. Promised. They said, and I do not quote, “We will not be absolute wankers and close down the factory near Bristol, we promise.” See, they bloody promised!
However, the full story, here on the BBC http://bit.ly/dd6Arf unveils the true horror of the situation. “Products made at Somerdale include Fry’s Chocolate Cream, the Double Decker, Dairy Milk, Chocolate Buttons, Creme Eggs and Mini Eggs, Cadbury’s Fudge, Chomp and the Crunchie.” (Forgetting the fact that these products are not exclusively made at Somerdale) Oh my God! No more Fudge? No more Creme Eggs? They’re killing easter! Oh God!
Okay, but apart from my irrationality, the real story is that they lied. They said they wouldn’t, they bought Cadbury’s, and then they did.
In 1994, Kurt Cobain shot himself. Die Hard 2 sucked.
Consider this just another day and just another piece of news living vicariously in the ever expanding and disenchanting American Universe.
PnL.x
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